Toilet Training Confidence

Posted on May 18, 2009
Filed Under Child Development | Leave a Comment

My sister spotted my four-year old washing up with the bidet after a poo as she walked past the bathroom. She was amused by his agility but couldn’t help alerting me to give him a hand.

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He can do it by himself. Usually he does quite a good job,” I said, not budging from the comfy sofa.

My sister insisted I checked on him anyway. I relented, not because I didn’t trust my son’s ability but he might be unfamiliar with my sister’s bathroom. I asked my son if I could help, to which he promptly replied, “Done, Mummy!” I gave him a hug and told him that he did a good job.

Young children need to learn to answer nature’s calls independently at their own pace. While I am not a strong proponent of Sigmund Freud’s work, his convictions of the anal stage of children might worth knowing.

During the anal stage, Freud believed that the primary focus of the libido was on controlling bladder and bowel movements. The major conflict at this stage is toilet training, when the child has to learn to control his or her bodily needs. Developing this control leads to a sense of accomplishment and independence.

According to Freud, success at this stage is dependent upon the way in which parents’ approach to toilet training. Parents who praise and reward for using the toilet at the appropriate time encourage positive outcomes and help children feel capable and productive. Freud believed that positive experiences during this stage served as the basis for people to become competent, productive, and creative adults.

However, not all parents provide the support and encouragement that children need during this stage; instead some punish, ridicule, or shame a child for accidents. According to Freud, inappropriate parental responses can result in negative outcomes.

If parents take an approach that is too lenient, Freud suggested that an anal-expulsive personality could develop in which the individual has a messy, wasteful, or destructive personality.

If parents are too strict or begin toilet training too early, Freud believed that an anal-retentive personality develops in which the individual is stringent, orderly, rigid, and obsessive.

Well, this anal-retentive personality theory might not hold water because my sister’s 14-year old son is on the opposite spectrum of “stringent, orderly, rigid and obsessive”. His nanny had him potty-trained when he was a newborn. When I casually asked if it might be a bit early, she said, the earlier the better!

Nevertheless, we take on the good bits of the theory and use them to our children’s advantage.

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