A Child’s Optimism

Posted on April 14, 2009
Filed Under Child Development, My Experiences | Leave a Comment

My four-year old woke up early this morning and asked for a cuddle. Seeing that he was still groggy, I gently rocked him for a bit and laid him back on the bed. Ten minutes later, he bounded up and came into the bathroom. “Are you ready to brush your teeth?” I asked as I reached for his toothbrush and toothpaste. He quickly took them from me and said, “I can do it.” I helped him fill up a cup of water for rinsing his mouth.

Two minutes later, he had removed his pyjamas on his own and he asked what he could wear for the day. I remarked that he was indeed growing up because he could do so many things by himself.

“This calls for a party. We should celebrate all the things you can do by yourself, ” I said spontaneously.

“A party? When?” he asked excitedly.

“How about after breakfast? Go pick up something you would want to wear at a party,” I replied.

Before I could get going with my routines of washing up, he paraded in my view in his chosen attire. He had dressed himself in his favourite Ben Ten T-shirt and a Power Rangers shorts.

“Wow, you can dress yourself so well. I am so proud of you. Go have your breakfast and the party will begin as soon as I return from the market, okay?”

“Okay!” he turned and shot off.

My husband was listening to this conversation and was concerned if I could really carry out the task. I told him not to worry because I usually have some party tricks at home; balloons, special sweets, bubbles, etc.

Later in the morning, my boy and I spent about an hour blowing up balloons and playing with them, ate our sweets, played with some playdough and made a video recording of him singing some songs he had learnt in school. We also spent some time making a card for his school in conjunction with its 14th anniversary.

It was a well spent morning. My boy enjoyed himself immensely and I shared in his joy as well. By rewarding him with a simple activity, his self-confidence has soared up a notch. Prior to this morning, I have taught him to dress himself through small, achievable steps. But before I could show him how to remove his slip-on pyjamas, he has figured it out himself.

M.E.P. Seligman (1995) in The Optimistic Child says, to teach children optimism and a sense of being worthwhile, we need to teach them to solve problems rather than turning away from difficulties. He offers some guidelines which include:

• Don’t solve every problem for your child;

• Once you give your child space to solve his own problems, you must not be overly critical of his attempt;

• Model a flexible problem-solving strategy yourself.

The last point is crucial because Seligman reminds us that on the other side of the coin, pessimism in children is not inborn. “Nor does their pessimism come directly from reality. Many people living in grim realities: unemployment, terminal illness, concentration camps, inner city, remain optimistic. Pessimism is a theory of reality. Children learn this theory from parents, teachers, coaches and the media, and they in turn recycle it to their children. It falls to us to break this cycle.” (pg 51)

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