A few days ago, I walked into a restaurant hoping to pick up five pieces of freshly made Indian-styled bread in a jiffy. I placed my order with the man behind the cashier and headed straight to the counter where a young girl was doing the packing. I noticed a pile of cooked bread ready for customers; they were still warm and most likely had been left there for the past half hour.

I asked for two types of curries (to go with the bread) and repeated my order of five pieces of bread to her. Behind the huge hot plate, a cook was flipping six pieces of well done bread. My eyes were drawn to the cook as he piled the six pieces by the side; silently hoping they were meant for me.

Just then, the owner came over to help. He reached out for the the warm bread. When the girl finished packing the curries, she asked in surprise why I hadn’t asked for the freshly cooked bread. It dawned on me that the man had packed the bread for me and not for another customer who had come earlier. I turned to the man but he gestured my order was already packed.

In that split of a second, I debated whether I should ask for the fresh bread.

I did have a choice: ask for the best (i.e. the freshly cooked steaming hot bread) or settle for second best (i.e. warm bread). I accepted his offer and while waiting for my change, I learnt one of the most important lessons in my life: what I give is what I receive.

Had I been giving my best all the time?

If I expect to be given the best (without having to ask for it), I ought to ensure I give my best; in whatever work I do, whatever service I render and whatever words I speak.

Since that moment, I have been keeping tabs on my actions. Honestly, it hasn’t been easy. However, whenever I caught myself trying to cut corners or justifying half-hearted efforts, I remembered my second-best bread.

It is also the same with parenting. Have I been doing my best as a role model for my children? It isn’t about achieving perfection, rather the energy behind the efforts. Instead of making any judgements about my children’s work, both my husband and I guide and encourage them to do their best. Their efforts are applauded and appreciated. I can see this means much more to my children.

In this day and age where drugs are so easily available, parents must be well informed about its effects to ensure our children grow up making wise decisions. In a recent study published in Psychological Science, which followed 1,037 children aged from three years to 32 years, children who tried drugs or alcohol before age 15 were two to three times more likely to become dependent on the substances, to contract sexually-transmitted diseases, to drop out of school or to be convicted for a crime.

The respondents, at ages 13 and 15, were asked if they had sniffed glue, gasoline or other inhalants or had used illegal drugs or drunk alcoholic beverages in the past year. They were also assessed for conduct disorders such as fighting, bullying, destroying, telling lies, truancy and stealing before their teen years and their family history, including whether either parent had a criminal record and whether the child was mistreated.

Those who were exposed to drugs and alcohol before age 15 also had significantly more criminal charges while the girls who experimented with the substances were more likely to become pregnant before age 21.

In another finding (www.dramenclinic.com), 52 per cent of adolescents would have consumed alcohol by their 8th grade while 41 per cent have smoked cigarettes and 20 per cent have used marijuana.

As a parent, I am well aware that merely informing our offspring about the findings might not hit home with them. The well meaning words might come across as nagging even. Last week,a dear friend (a consultant kinesiologist who works with children of all ages on their learning blocks and brain integration) sent me a very beautiful DVD by Dr Daniel Amen titled: Which Brain Do You Want?

The DVD features chats with five young people from different backgrounds, with different levels of substance abuse, including two who chose to stay clear of drugs or alcohol. They talk about how their choices have had affected their quality of life.

The highlight of the video is the brain scans of these youngsters. Viewers can see how drugs and alcohol can damage one’s brain and the physical impact of the substance on brain function.

If this video is shown in every classroom of youngsters aged 12 and above, the impact it creates will be tremendous. Millions of dollars are spent each year on campaigns to get our kids off the substance. In my opinion, when these kids are bombarded with lectures and posters throughout, somewhere along the way, their brains have tuned out. Perhaps by showing them evidence of how drugs and alcohol damage their brains, they might be able to make the right choice for life.

A friend with three boys aged 11-18 years wrote to me about receiving nasty threats that stemmed from a soured business dealing. She was fearing for her children and wanted me to know about her predicament so that if should anything happened to her and husband, her boys could trust me.

I felt honoured to be counted upon as a trusted friend by this couple, more so because they stood by their principles. Her husband, John, resigned as a non-executive director because he didn’t agree with some management decisions on their public-listed company. Apparently that didn’t go down well and my friends had been getting late night nasty calls to their home and mobile phones.There was nothing else they could do after making numerous police reports about the threats.

Here is an excerpt of my email reply to her:

“For standing up to your principles and having your conscience clear are what make you and John the best members in our community and the best parents for your children. Try not to allow fear to overpower you both…when people are motivated by greed, they lose all judgement. They make mistakes and resort to nasty ways to “keep alive” - as they have wrongly perceived that they needed to do that for survival.

We are all motivated by the basic instinct to stay alive and to protect what is most dear to us. You and John and this man are reacting and responding the same way except that you are from the opposite ends.

My feelings are that to allow the wave to ride away. Keep the boys safe and tell them to take extra precautions when they move around at school or college - not instill fear but just be extra careful. Come home early and inform parents where they will be.

I know it is most challenging to try to keep a calm mind - but you could try to wake a bit earlier and sit in silence. Maybe just to contemplate on peace and safety for family members and the world as a whole. Imagine a white protective light surrounding your house and all family members. Invoking the blessings from the Goddess of Mercy, Kwan Yin might also be helpful.

Your boys can come and talk with me anytime they want to. Take good care - when we stand by the truth, that in itself will protect us. May you and family be safe and protected always.”