A friend, who now lives in Amsterdam, was in town and the five of us got together for dinner. We hadn’t seen each other for a few years and we spent the evening catching up as well as reminiscing our good old days at university. Two of these friends live alone (not in a relationship either) while the other two have partners but no kids. At some point I wondered aloud what would have been my lifestyle if I hadn’t become a wife and a mother with three children. If I were still single, I am certain, I would still be living with my parents. I doubt I have the guts to live on my own; going home after work to an empty quiet place. Before I could muse further, both these women replied that if I had their kind of relationships with their mothers, I would relish the idea of living on my own.

We parted ways and once I got home, after spending a bit of time with my two older children (who were getting ready for bed), I decided to check my emails quickly. I thought the youngest (aged three and half years) could wait. While I was running through my emails, one of the women I had dinner with invited me to chat online. She wanted to talk about something she wasn’t comfortable to share earlier with the group.

Just then, my boy came up to me and said softly, “Give me a hug please.” Immediately I felt guilty for not putting him first. As I held him close, he whispered, “Thank you so much.” That touched me tremendously. When I shared it with my friend, she replied: “That’s what you don’t get when you live alone.”

I have given up working full time since having my daughter a decade ago. Sometimes I feel very sad when I see how much ahead my peers have gone ahead in their careers. To compensate for this, I try to find the little bits of joy from being with my children in their growing years. Five years ago, when my daughter learnt about occupations at kindy, she was asked by her teachers what she would like to be. Without any hesitation, she said, “I want to be a mommy.” I felt very honoured and humbled that a five-year old could understand what it meant to her to have a mother around most of the time.