My friend, Sue was aghast when her husband presented their firstborn’s birth certificate after his return from the birth registration department.

“Are you nuts? How can you accept this?” she asked exasperatedly. On the document, it clearly stated the name of their child as: Cassandra Lee May Ling A/P Lee Chu Sing.

(In South East Asia, A/P is an abbreviation for “daughter of” and it is typically used for ethnic groups who take on their fathers’ first names as surnames. It is redundant for the Chinese who place their family’s name before their given names.)

Sue’s husband is a successful corporate lawyer and poring over legal documents is his forte. We may laugh over this. But all of us are like him when we enter into the unknown world of parenthood. We are trained and educated for excellence in our careers and even at play or leisure, we find out all about the do’s and don’ts before we wet our feet.

But being a parent is another ball game altogether. Not even our mothers could have prepared us well for the task of raising children. To many, having children is just another part of ‘The Cycle Of Life’. Our duties are to feed them, clothe them, love them and educate them. Is a parent-child relationship merely a giver-receiver relationship?

Think about it. Wouldn’t you agree that you are a better person because of your children? The life lessons my children has taught me from the very beginning are beyond anything I could learn from books.

The very first lesson for me is patience. Oh yes, all these years, I have learnt well that patience is a result of not having any expectations. Patience also means going with the flow. With patience, I also learnt to be more aware of my thoughts and to respond positively to my daily challenges. My second child gave me these invaluable lessons through unreasonable tantrums right from his 18^th month till his fourth year.

The ultimate lesson on patience came with the birth of my youngest child. He timed his birth up to the very moment I felt impossible to “hold on” further. Other than a pessary to soften the cervix (the birth was induced at 38^th week as I was on insulin for gestational diabetes), I refused epidural and pethidine because I wanted to be aware of every single moment during the birth.

And my baby gave me exactly what I wanted: moment-to-moment awareness for 22 and half hours in the labour ward. When he finally nudged his head out, I was completely in touch with every single sensation and I felt (surprisingly) peaceful.

My baby taught me the virtue of patience with grace. He wouldn’t holler when he was hungry; just a slight gurgle and he would wait without a fuss when I kept him waiting – even to the extent of waiting for more than a minute while I eased myself. He is now three; because of his sweet nature, the terrible-two stage was non-existent. His patience is truly remarkable.

I still struggle to teach my second child (who is four years older) delayed-gratification but my youngest seems to embody patience. He does have his moments of anger and crying tantrums (especially when his TV time quota is up for the day) but he bounces back to his normal self in less than 10 minutes. He would come round, teary-eyed and says, “I am sorry Mummy for tantrum (ing). Please forgive me.” After a hug and some smooches, he would happily get on.

Then there is this huge lesson on self-love. It has been so easy to fall in love with my children. I never had dolls to play with while growing up so my babies were my living dolls. One night while I was lying next to my then 10-week old daughter after a round of cuddling and singing, I was locked in her gaze for a few minutes. I felt a tremendous sense of love emanating from her bright round eyes. For that moment in time, I felt truly loved. But it also hit me hard. Did I love myself as much as my daughter loved me?

I knew deep down, the answer was a big no. When I pondered further, I realized how important it was to love and accept myself. Without self-love, the inevitable is low self-esteem. I couldn’t see and appreciate the good stuff about myself. Through my daughter’s eyes, I gathered enough courage to embark on a journey of self-discovery and ultimately towards self-love.

Truly, my children are my greatest teachers.