Driving home one late evening with the radio blaring on, I heard American psychologist Dr James Dobson (of Focus On The Family) spoke about building a child’s self image.

He narrated a story of how a nursery teacher had greeted a pair of twin girls with superlative compliments in a packed room of other preschoolers and their parents. He said while it was clear that the compliment had boosted the two girls’ confidence, he couldn’t be as certain about the rest of the children in the class. What he felt certain was the foremost question going through those young minds: “What about me?”

Dr Dobson further said a recent research had concluded that children begun acquiring some form of perceived self-image as young as three years old and therefore parents and teachers ought to be more cautious with their compliments and criticisms to young children.

Dr Dobson’s comment reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend whose daughters were nine and 13 years old. At a recent supermarket trip, Leo and his eldest daughter met some acquaintances. While Leo exchanged pleasantries with the man, he noticed his daughter didn’t have much to talk to her classmate. Apparently the two girls had been very good friends just a few years ago.

When Leo brought it up later, his daughter replied nonchalantly, “Pa, she belongs to the ‘Beautiful Club’ and she has three boyfriends! We don’t have much to talk about anymore.” At that moment, Leo was relieved that his daughter had more important things on her mind than looking beautiful and keeping up with three boyfriends.

He strongly believes that the input we give to our daughters when they are young has a great impact on their adolescence years. “My other daughter is very different. She has always been praised for her beauty from young and I can see how much emphasis she puts on her appearance. Winnie may be nine but she takes a long time to get dressed for a short trip to the shopping mall. If we hurry her or if she is not satisfied with her hairdo or appearance, she would rather stay home. I am bracing myself for some difficult times with her in the coming years,” he said.

From Leo’s sharing, I have learnt that the more important values we want to teach our offspring are kindness, generosity, confidence and love. And to do it best is through our very own actions and speech.