Superwoman: Fact or Myth?

Posted on May 5, 2008
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Most women featured in the mass media are always portrayed as successful in their careers and their role as a good mother and wife. These stories make a lasting impression on a lot of people and I am of no exception.

When I first became a mother a decade ago, I strove hard to become a “supermum”. I was convinced that if the women I read about could do it, particularly the many mothers who were also CEOs and entrepreneurs, I could too.

Imagine my pleasant surprise when a friend introduced me to a book on motherhood that debunks the myth of superwoman. In their book, Motherhood- Making It Work For You, Jo Lamble and Sue Morris firmly believe that if we allow the myth of superwoman to continue, then we as women and mothers are only setting ourselves up for failure.

Both authors maintain that it is clear from their discussion with women that the archetype of a “superwoman” doesn’t exist.

“Motherhood comes with a price and the price may be less sleep, less freedom, increased frustration on a daily basis, less time with your partner, friends and chosen career.

“Thinking you should be able to have everything and do everything is a recipe for guilt and disappointment,” say the two Australian clinical psychologists.

Looking back, I remember, for the first five years of motherhood, I had struggled, went off-track, scrambled back up and often at a loss as to where the supermum route was leading me. Often times I felt like a lone lost mountain climber not quite able to reach the summit.

It’s true, like Lamble and Morris say, I had tried too hard to have everything – a thriving career and being able to raise well-mannered, happy and healthy children. Before I became a mother, I was earning a five-figure monthly income from a sales career. But after reading many books on early childhood education and parenting, I was convinced that my children deserved the best six years of their early childhood.

For most part of my motherhood I had often said to my spouse, family and friends that my children were my first priority. And yet, I couldn’t help feeling helpless and sorry of the fact that my career was slowly falling into the doldrums.

Although I had the flexibility of managing a sales job and keeping a household as well as raising two children almost single-handedly (my husband was then working 12 hours daily), I still found it tough. To keep up with a sales career also meant at least an eight-hour daily work. To care and nurture young children was a 24/7 job. Now, how did those “superwomen” get their energy and their extra hours?

I was often overwhelmed by the fact that I could never earn the lucrative income so long as I was reluctant to put my young children into a full-time nursery care. I still believe that the first and the best teacher my children will ever have is their mother. Yet I had often wondered if the price I was paying was too high.

When I delved deeper into my predicaments I realised that it wasn’t the mega bucks that I was trading off. I had to come to terms with the deep-seated conditioning from society and my own mother that a homemaker (stay-at-home mother) had no monetary value.

Lamble and Morris say the belief that motherhood is undervalued stems from the fact that in our society no other job exists that is so labour-intensive for so little recognition. “While many individuals do not themselves undervalue motherhood, the reality is that in the Western world, acknowledgement for doing a job is primarily reflected by financial reward.

“…Therefore, mothers face an uphill battle. Not only are they judged less favourably purely because of their gender, but also they do a job, a great one at that, for no identifiable financial reward.”

They add the promotion of “superwoman” by the media is also evidence of how motherhood as an occupation in its own right is undervalued.

After reading the book twice, I learnt to prioritize and to accept when I had too much on my place and let go of the unimportant stuff so that the joy of motherhood might be more accessible. And, the more important thing was standing firm by my choice to be the primary carer of my children.

My proudest moment in being a mother had been the time when my then three-year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that she would be a Mother when she grew up. I couldn’t ask for a better honour.

Lamble and Morris’ book is truly a tribute to all women who are mothers. I strongly encourage you to read it.

As Vanessa, a mother of three (twins included) sums it up: “A book that encourages women to feel good about a lifestyle change when you become a mum and that it is alright for your life to fit around your children or family rather than bowing to the pressure that your children and family have to fit around your life. A book that encourages women to network with other mums as a way of support and shows women how to enjoy being a mum and to appreciate those beautiful moments.”

Happy Mother’s Day!

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